SUGARy

The short goodbye

It's been so long since I've been here. It really takes a lot of dedication to be able to write everyday and come up with interesting stories. I think I've run out of steam. Last year was such a big year for us and so many things happened but every time I sat in front of my computer I got all finger twisted and didn't know where to start. I don't even know if I want to start!

So... I've been thinking.... maybe this should be it. I've had my run but now it's time to hang up. This year again is looking like it's going to be a doozy and frankly I have things I need to attend to and not much time for anything else. Thanks though. It's been fun.

Hey, if you want to keep up anyway, check out http://www.flickr.com/photos/sugary/. I think this is where I'll be for a while. Happy 2009!

Small craft project for the day

I made this atc (artist trading card) to send over at Swap-bot. It was something easy and fun to do. Just to get a bit of the cobwebs out.. 

Can you believe it's already September? Mr. Boo has started pre-school and seems to be ok with it. I have to say I am more nervous than he is about this whole thing. I worry too much. I read things about boys and school and how they're different and I worry that we'll have to take him out and home school him. Or that some teacher will say he needs drugs to sedate him or.. or...  Sigh... I know. I'm jumping the gun a little bit here. When you're a parent you tend to go a little bit gonzo on this stuff. At least I am!

Tis a lovely love song

I have a love story to tell but it doesn't belong to me. Tis my parents. I have to share this because you would think this sort of thing only happens at the movies and if I start thinking about our lives today there is no way we can be as glamorous as these people were and are! I wish!

My parents met in Paris in the 50's. My mom was working there as a young girl and my dad was a sailor in the merchant marines. He traveled all over the world and had girlfriends in every port I kid you not. He still has the ex-girlfriends photo albums to prove it! My mom was a single mother having had a child at a very young age with a man who was her husband but whom she divorced pretty quickly. In any case these two met in Paris on a blind double date with friends. I think it was pretty much love at first sight. The only hitch of course was that my dad was always on the seven seas and so made it quite difficult for them to be together. So out of naive faith and trust and love they decided to keep in touch and try for the best. My dad did his best to show his love and wrote my mom constantly. The problem was that my mother never got the letters.

For a few years this went on, everyday my mom wondering where her sailor was and everyday my dad wondering why she was not responding.... 

My maternal grandmother did not like the idea of her daughter cavorting with a sailor and therefore hid the letters so that my mom would forget this unlikely paramour. 

One day my mom had had enough. She was still interested enough with my dad to finally write him a postcard with one single word: Remember.

Apparently my father had given up on my mom and her non responses and had decided to marry an Italian lady who was pregnant (but not with his child....who I finally met years later but that is another story!) He had taken pity on this poor lady and was going to be chivalrous.

When he finally picked up his postcard he realized it was my mom and decided to abort his marriage plans and race to France to be with her. In the end he asked my mom to marry him which they did in Geneva on a captain's boat. And my grandmother? Well, lets just say they never ever did get along!

It's a long story

Ok...well I guess I'm going to have to explain the whole painful truth to the people cause the people want to know. I feel I have to explain myself so the people don't think I'm a marauding crazy person going around punching innocent victims.

Yes. That is a picture of me and my sister and mother back in the day. I am 10 years old on this picture and although it is a lovely picture I remember that day not so nicely. The dresses worn were gifts from my eldest sister (not shown) who had brought them back form France. I remember my dad taking a whole set of these pics asking me to look at my sister adoringly. My sister is not an adorable creature. Suffice to say that we have spent our whole entire life being at opposite sides of the spectrum.

In her mind, she is the best, most beautiful, know-it-all, has seen-it-all, will not give you the time of day kind of person. In some respects she can be brilliant. But... do you really have to ram it down people's throats? She's antagonized my entire family her whole entire life. She's just that kind of energy. 

I've put up with a lot of crap during our relationship. Crap because although she is older, I am definitely a lot taller than she is. So... whenever she got physical with me (as in hitting or punching me) I usually backed off because in one swift move I could totally annihilate her. And because she is extremely emotional we as a family usually will try and not hurt her because she just loses it and cries. Come to think of it now this is a great way of manipulating everyone for years and years.

So.... that famous day really starts with the beginning of the week when I was busy putting together a photo slide show for my parent's anniversary and dealing with my son who was at home that week on vacation. Come Friday, my sister is complaining about all the work to be done (even though she had begged us to do this shindig at her house) so I offered to help which I did. I spent the whole of Friday away from my son to help her out. Saturday rolls around and I get to her house very early to help out some more. But she is in a bad mood and lets me know it. She has that glint in her eye. The one that mocks you for everything that you are. She's mad because I cannot run around ( I have my son with me, he's first priority). My husband gets hungry and goes out to get food. She gets even more mad and finally starts ranting about the fact that I sit on my ass all the time and do nothing.

Ordinarily I would have just shut her out of my mind. But this time I just couldn't. I don't know how she can assume that I do nothing. I have a child, a house, renovations, work, a husband, two dogs. I can't sit on my ass all the time and do nothing. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. Note here that my sister has no children and knows absolutely nothing about the amount of time children take from your life. She leads the jet set life.

Now that I write this and read this I think: "How petty". How incredibly childish on my part. And I know I should just forgive and forget. Karma and all. But this has been going on for years! She just chips at me all the time to see how much she can get away with. This is why I think I just lost it. I think it was time for me to grow up and finally put her back in her place. I'm not a little girl anymore that she can just push around.

I'm still not proud. I am ashamed. We have talked since of course but of nothing of consequence. I want to stay way from her as much as possible. Her whole entire life has been about denigrating me and making me feel small, ugly, useless. I finally realized I am none of these things. It took one punch to figure it out.

Amen.

50 years of marriage

my parents; wedding reception 1958

Eeek! No not my own thank goodness! I've been married for a wee bit 3 years and counting. No, my parents celebrated their own anniversary this summer and the whole family was there to have a good time.

My dad really wanted to walk down the isle again with my mom and the priest and the whole gang. I have to admit it was cute. 

One of my sisters ( I have two) has a lovely house with huge land filled with trees and flowers and a running stream and a clearing in the woods and.... well you get the idea. Its enchanting. We rented a tent and the whole nine yards and I think fun was had by all. 

my parents; wedding reception 2008

Sadly, when you have big family reunions or gatherings something always seem to go wrong or some kind of drama ensues. Well... I am embarrassed to say this time was me. One nasty comment from my sister (the one who owns the house) and I lost it. I mean completely lost it. Me. So forgiving usually and so easily able to let it go. I just couldn't. I guess it had been a long time in the making and this had to be the moment. The moment when I finally put my foot down and said no more nastiness. I punched her.

It was not an easy day. Lots of screaming of obscenities between the two injured parties and lots of crying from my son who unfortunately saw the whole thing go down. I know. I am not proud.

I was able to reclaim my cool when my brother-in-law very gently asked me to stay for the ceremony. I did and then I even stayed for the dinner and all the pictures and everything else.

One thing I learned finally through all of this is that no matter if it is family and you're supposed to support and forgive when the relationship is toxic or wrong or if it is in any way harmful to you or negative - it is time to move on. It's just time to move on. And that's what I'm doing. 

Hmmm....

Sick day doodles

I know it's been a long time since I've peeped in my blog. The new year has brought some changes in my life. I have a new job! So it's been all about managing time between work and family and friends and extra-curricular activities. I think I can probably wing it.

So I'm sitting here today with a massive flu bug going around the office where everybody's dropping like flies. Go figure. I'm pretty weak. Almost fainted yesterday and I hate it. I don't like to be motionless! Just ask big Am. That's his new name. I suppose I'm kinda rambling and writing spur of the moment stuff that goes through my head like some stream of consciousness or unconsciousness as it were!

Like some soppy sick kid I'm waxing nostalgia and downloading all kinds of 80's pop songs from iTunes. Do you know that my first record was The Supremes in the 70's? Yep. I was maybe 10 or 11 and a family friend gave me this small portable recorder with all kinds of great 60's records. My fave song then is Love is here and now you're gone. I love it! I can still picture this 10 year old (me) just lovin' that song! Well... I guess you can tell what kinda day I'm having...hehehe.

So back to the doodle. Yeah. I doodled. I'm sick. Beats watching tv.

Just a little something..something...

Just thought I would start this cross-stitch design and I'm having a blast! Who would have thought handling a needle and thread could be so much fun? I picked up this little kit while we were on our trip to Alaska. I'm not sure where I'm going to put it but I plan on framing it that's for sure. Hows that for vanity... :)

January madness

Why is the weather so weird? It snowed oodles and oodles of white stuff in December, the likes we haven't seen in years and now...... it's raining and raining and feels like spring? In January? Is global warming to blame? I read an account from a prominent geologist who says that we shouldn't get our nickers in a twist over weather patterns. That in the 1930's the weather was even warmer than it is today and that it's normal in the long run to see the warming of the planet and then the cooling off of the planet. Was he bought off by big corpo for this rendition? Or is it true? Are we looking ahead to severe frost in the future?

Merry Christmas 2007

Lovely aren't they? I have received six and am waiting on two others. Hopefully they will make it in the new year. In the mean time I'm working on some other stuff. I want to take the time to wish everyone a Happy Holiday. Me and the lil' family are jetting off to Mexico for Christmas. What? Heresy! I have only one thing to say about that... who cares? I think it's exactly what the doctor ordered and I am beside myself with happiness and glee and can't stop myself from grinning ear to ear....hihihi...